My Dearest, Dearest Sardarji

Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post at Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks!

Santa Singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai.” (Brother and Sisters! You may be happy to know that I have received a job in America.)

Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued… Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa. (Now I will read for you my appointment letter.)

Dear Mr. Singh—–pyare singh sahab

You do not meet—-aap to miltay hee naheen ho (You don’t meet nowadays)

our requirement—-humko to zaroorat hai (We have a requirement.)

Please do not send any furthur correspondance—-ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai. (There is no need to write anymore.)

No phone call —-phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai. (No phone calls are necessary either.)

shall be entertained—-bahut khaatir kee jayegi. (You shall be entertained.)

Thanks—-aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya (Thanks!)

Sardar Air Travel

One Sardu was going to Chandigarh from Pune by a air-india plane.He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the Sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the Sardarji to leave the side seat. But the Sardaji told:”I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave”. The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the Sardarji to leave that seat. But Sardarji was adamant and did not leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and requested,but in vain.

Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in the ears of the Sardarji, and the Sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the Sardarji.Capt. told :”nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar.”

A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says “Hello, how did you know I was here?”

Teacher : What is the chemical formula for water?

Sardar: H I J K L M N O.

Teacher: what r u talking about?

Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.

Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?

- Because even under torture they can’t remember what they have
been assigned to.

This Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him “kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai” (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?).

Sardarji replies “Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, kya usko pata hai yeh movie hai?”

( I am an intelligent(?) man, I know it is a movie, but does that animal know it is a movie?)

Did you hear about the Sardar who signed all his checks so no one else could write in his checkbook other than him if he lost his checkbook?

Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a darkroom?

Sardar Medical terms

Benign…………….What you be after you be eight.

Artery…………….The study of paintings.

Bacteria…………..Back door to cafeteria.

Barium…………….What doctors do when patients die.

Cesarean Section……A neighborhood in Rome.

Catscan……………Searching for kitty.

Cauterize………….Made eye contact with her.

Colic……………..A sheep dog.

Coma………………A punctuation mark.

D & C……………..Where Washington is.

Dilate…………….To live long.

Enema……………..Not a friend.

Fester…………….Quicker than someone else.

Fibula…………….A small lie.

Genital……………Non-Jewish person.

G.I. Series………..World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail…………..What you hang your coat on.

Impotent…………..Distinguished, well known.

Labor Pain…………Getting hurt at work.

Medical Staff………A Doctor’s cane.

Morbid…………….A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates…………..Cheaper than day rates.

Node………………Was aware of

Outpatient…. …….A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear….. …….A fatherhood test.

Pelvis…………….Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative……..A letter carrier.

Recovery Room………Place to do upholstery.

Rectum…………….Darn near killed him.

Secretion………….Hiding something.

Seizure……………Roman emperor.

Tablet…………….A small table.

Terminal Illness……Getting sick at the Bus Station

Tumor……………..More than one

Urine……………..Opposite of you’re out.

Varicose…………..Near by/close by.

Vein………………Conceited.

Banta Singh was painting his house on a very hot day. His friend was passing by and noticed that Banta was wearing two jackets, so he asked Banta “Why are you wearing two jackets?”.

Banta replied “Because, the directions on the can said to put on two coats.”

A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day, he replied “I just can’t do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can.”

Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

-They’re there for those who don’t drink.

Once upon a time, a Sardar applied to Medical School -

Needless to say he never made it because these are the answers he gave……

QUESTION: Define the following terms?

ANTIBODY - against everyone

ARTERY - the study of fine paintings

ASPHYXIA - get a “Butt Job”

BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria

BENIGN - what you be after you be eight

BOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,u

CAESARIAN SECTION - a district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing

CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty

CHRONIC - neck of a crow

COMA - punctuation mark

CORTIZONE - area around local courthouse

CYST - short for sister

DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose

DILATE - the late British princess

DISLOCATION - in this place

DUODENUM - couple in jeans

ENEMA - not a friend

FALSE LABOR - pretending to work

FECES - nasty countenance

GALLBLADDER - bladder in a girl

GENES - blue denim

GROIN - to mash to a pulp / smile

HERNIA - she is close by

HYMEN - greeting to several males

IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known

LABOR PAIN - hurt at work

LACTOSE - person without digits on the foot

LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss

LYMPH - walk unsteadily

MENOPAUSE - I no wait

MICROBES - small dressing gowns

OBESITY - city of Obe

PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize

PROTEIN - in favour of teens

PULSE - grain

PUS - small cat

RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula

RUPTURE - ecstasy

SECRETION - hiding anything

SEMEN - sailors

SERUM - sailors drink

SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough

SUTURE - Gujarati for “what do you want”

TABLET - small table

Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?

-So that when they’re on the train they can tell if they’re going to work or coming home.

A Sardar dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the pearly gate, Saint Peter tells him of new rules in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must an swer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with “T”.

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered…

1. The two days of the week that begin with “T” are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, “OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?” The Singh replied, “Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc…” Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.

A Sardar’s response to the comment, “THINK about it!”.

“I don’t have to think - I’m a Sardar!”

Once a Sardar watches an english movie and discusses about the film the next day with his friend

SARDAR: saala kal raat maine 3 ghannte ka ek english picture ki CD dekhi ,na koi scenes dikhe na koi awaaz sunni ,

(Bloody, yesterday I saw a terrible English movie for 3 straight hours. There were no scenes, no voice and nothing at all.)

FRIEND:picture ka naam kya tha????? (What was the name of the movie?)

SARDAR:” NO DISC INSERTED”

A Sardar, a Japanese, and a Brit were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The japanese took the radiator, the Brit took the seat, and the Sardar took the door. After a while of walking the Brit asked the Japanese

“I’m confused, why did you bring the radiator?” The japanese responded, “If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid.” Then the sardar asked the britisher “Why did you bring the seat?” So the britisher said “If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat.” Finally the japanese asked the sardar why he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to this question, “Well, when I shall feel the need to get some breeze in this summer all I have to do is roll down the window.”

Why couldn’t the Sardar write the number “eleven”?

-He didn’t know which “one” came first…

A Sardar was tired of being Sardar and constantly being the subject of all those dumb sardar jokes. He finally cut his hair. Elated he decided to take a drive through the country to celebrate his new life. Going past a field of sheep (he loved sheep) he stopped and asked the farmer “If I can tell you the correct number of sheepes in the herd, can you give me one sheep?”

The farmer laughed and said “Sure, Sir” he gazed out for a few seconds and said “There’s 1,973 sheep” The farmer said with Amazement “You’re right! Go and pick one out”. On his way back to his car he was stopped by the farmer yelling “Hey Sir! If I can guess your real identity can I have my dog back?”

A Sardar, a Japanese, and a Brit were shipwrecked on a deserted island. One day they came upon an old lamp buried in the sand. As they brushed the sand from the lamp a Genie appeared and said “I’ll give each of you one wish.” The Japanese said “I wish I was home!” PUFF and he was gone! The Brit said “I wish I was home!” PUFF and he too was gone. The sardar said “Boy is it lonely here! I wish my
friends were back!”

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh.

He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, “Are Banta Singh! What the heck’s going’ on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?” Scared Banta replies. “Yeah, but you’ve got a *driver.”

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa.” Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you Rs.5000.” This catches Santa’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” Santa doesn’t say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay,” says the lawyer, “your turn.” Santa asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?” The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references … No answer.

He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress… No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?” Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a sardar standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the sardar and asks him, “Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?”

Santa replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.”

“How?” asks the man, puzzled.

”Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”

NOTE : Jokes aside, Sikhs and Sardarji’s are one of the most fun and peace loving people you can find anywhere. 2 thumbs up to all Sardars everywhere.